Lammers Family 2.0: A First Look

This is the first picture of all four of us—with a bonus foster mom. 

We met Ji-seok, or as we’ll call him, Matthew Ji-seok, for the first time today.  His foster mom seems very nice.  She was pleasant and not defensive or over-protective of him around us.  I hope that makes the transition easier when the time comes. 

I like this picture because Heidi’s getting to hold him, you can see his size pretty well, and Elaina’s being a little ham.

Elaina was so excited to meet her little brother.  A little emotionally confused too, I think, being in the adoption agency, meeting a foster mom—but not her foster mom, having a little brother who was getting lots of attention…but knowing that he was going to go home with his foster mom and she was staying with us.  We had several conversations that were basically variants of “You’re staying with us, no matter what.  We’re not leaving you at the adoption agency or giving you back to your foster parents.”  She didn’t actually ask any of these things, and I was a little hesitant to put them in her head, but her little mind travels some long paths, and she has an active imagination and a tendency to create her own “facts”.  I didn’t want her thinking things she just hadn’t said yet. 

Even though we’d originally planned and hoped to take Ji-seok for the full day by ourselves, it didn’t work out that way.  It’s a lot to ask of a little guy, to just go off with strangers.  The foster mom tried to give us some time alone, but he started crying as soon as she left the room.  And why wouldn’t he?  It’s actually a good sign—that he’s built a bond with her.  It’s just a harbinger of a really sad (and hopefully brief) time to come, when we take him home with us. 

With Elaina, the bulk of the separation grief came out in a flood the first few times she first woke up with us instead of her Umma.  But she was nine months.  Ji-seok will be, probably, eighteen months. I think it’s going to be hard for him.  We have some friends with a daughter that they adopted at eighteen months, so I’m paying attention to their blog and encouraged by the progress they seem to be making with through the transition.

So, we ended up spending an hour or so, playing with him.  He warmed up to us some, but there was no way he was going anywhere with us.  Ji-seok’s mood improved when he got his hands on some sweet potato puffs. He was so funny, taking puffs and saying “Mmm!”. He even fed some to Heidi.

 

He seemed very interested in Elaina—especially at first.  Here, they’re playing near each other—not really together but in an easy and companionable coexistence.

He’s a very laid back little man.  It’ll be an interesting contrast, he and Elaina.  She’s going to be a very good big sister.  She’s very thoughtful and caring—but she’s a completely different personality, and casting her in the role of the responsible, wiser, older sibling is full of comedic potential. 

Ji-seok actually reminds me a lot of my brother, Steve.  Their temperament seems similar, and I even think he looks similar to Steve’s baby pictures…if Steve were Korean.

Here’s Matthew Ji-seok, at the end of our visit, happy to be in his carrier on his Umma’s back.

It was a nice, if brief,  visit. Hopefully, this will make us a little bit familiar to him when we come back to take him home.