Unexpected Visits…A Glass Half-Full Perspective from the Floor of Flight 1136

“His pulse is thready.  Can you feel it?”

“It’s there, but it’s really weak.”

“We’ve got to turn around…or find somewhere to put down early.”

“Do you want the defibrillator?”

“Yeah, just in case.”

“Now, wait just a minute,”  I think…because I can’t actually say “Wait just a minute.”  It think it really vehemently, though.  And that ought to count for something with shadowy shapes looming over me. 

I think this because I know that there’s nothing wrong with my heart, and I really have no interest in knowing how a defibrillator feels, and who better to diagnose my situation than me, right?  I mean, I’m not a doctor or anything, but I don’t have a heart condition.  I know.  I’ve heard doctors say it. 

Funny, that bit about the weak pulse, though.  I wonder what’s up with that?  Thready?  I’ll just have to do something confidence inspiring, so they know they’re on the wrong track with this defibrillator talk. 

Hmm….  Confidence inspiring is tougher than I thought.  I don’t think that attempt to communicate helped my case much. 

Finally!  Someone’s asking me to squeeze their hand.  I can do that one.  That’ll show ‘em.

“Don’t get up.  Just relax.”

“Now, that’s an odd thing to say….  I didn’t try to get up…did I?  It feels so much better here on the floor—I don’t think they have to work too hard to convince me to stay here awhile.  The oxygen is nice too…though I can tell it makes the flight attendant nervous.  She keeps talking about turning it off ‘if he’s not using it’…which really makes me wonder who she’s rooting for….”

That was the conversation taking place in and around my head about an hour into flight 1136 out of Boston.  We were on our way from Boston to San Francisco, where we were to pick up a connecting  flight to Seoul. 

Feeling completely awful, I decided to go to the restroom to splash some cold water on my face, and to be in a more appropriate setting for whatever was about to happen.  I made it most of the way there before passing out in the aisle.  Interesting the swarm of activity that something like that sets off.

There was a 4th year med student and an ER nurse onboard, which was nice.  They didn’t end up using the defibrillator, which was nice as well.  Nor did they turn the plane around or land short of San Francisco.

I did take a trip in an ambulance to the emergency room upon my arrival—unexpected visit number one.  We got to exit the plane before everyone else.  That, combined with my getting to spend a portion of the flight in full recline (albeit on the floor), made it a little like flying first class.  I got to see the big planes from my gurney on my way to the ambulance.  I’d boarded small planes from the tarmac, but was never in among the big ones like that.  It was really kind of an exclusive view of San Francisco, being wheeled across the airport like that. 

Heidi and Elaina got to ride in the ambulance with me, which was nice.  Elaina chatted up the EMTs the whole way there, which was really cute.  They were very nice to her, which earns them big points with me—you know, that, and taking me to the hospital, and not hitting me with a defibrillator—all those things put you on my “good” list. 

They ran a bunch of tests at the hospital, and as it turns out, my diagnosis from the floor of flight 1136 was correct—I did not, in fact, have a heart condition.  Mostly, I was dehydrated, which I would have guessed would manifest itself in a somewhat less dramatic fashion.  Still, I was relieved that there wasn’t anything seriously wrong. 

We had missed our flight to Seoul, though, and while the flight attendants and EMTs were very bullish on the notion that United Airlines would “take care of us” with respect to rescheduling, we ended up paying about $4500 for them to…um…”take care of us”.  Annoyingly, that’s more than the original price we paid for the tickets—we could have gone twice!  Fortunately, my travel-savvy wife bought travel insurance, so I hope we get some of that back. 

A silver lining to all of this is that, having missed our flight, we needed a place to stay, and Heidi’s Uncle Billy lives near San Francisco.  He was kind enough to pick us up at the hospital and give us a place to stay.  Heidi’s cousin came over with her kids, and it was like an impromptu family reunion.  Elaina was immediately fast friends with Heidi’s cousin’s two boys, and she loved Uncle Billy’s boxer, Brutus.  He’s chest-high to her and probably twice her weight, but she wasn’t afraid of him at all—loved “leading” him around on a leash, and Brutus loved the extra attention.  It was a really nice, and completely unexpected visit.  It was also a pleasant break in what was supposed to be 20 hours of travel.

So, we ended up delayed by a day, and we may or may not be out an extra $4500, but we’re in Seoul, and that’s what matters.  And we had a really nice visit along the way (at Uncle Billy’s, not the ER), which we probably should have planned, had we thought about it. 

Heidi did manage to get us into business class at no extra cost.  Business class was so nice that it almost incents one to pass out on a flight again—though I think I should get a “Do Not Defibrillate” t-shirt first.